You came back from the holidays. The inbox is a disaster. Slack has 47 unread threads. Your first call is in twenty minutes, and you haven't looked at the deck.

You close the office door. You get to work.

On the other side of that door, your partner is... somewhere. Doing something. You're not entirely sure what.

This is the first real Monday of 2026. Your work snapped back into focus the moment you opened your laptop. Your partner's year is less defined.

When you ran the numbers on Spain, you calculated everything. Tax implications. Time zone overlap with headquarters. School options for the kids. Flight times back to London or New York.

What you probably didn't calculate: the identity cost for the person who followed you here.

Your partner gave up their career. Or paused it. Or "went freelance" in a way that quietly faded into nothing. They gave up their professional network, their daily structure, their sense of being someone outside this house.

In exchange, they got... your flexibility. The family's adventure. "Quality of life."

But whose quality of life, exactly?

You still have your work identity. Your calendar is full of things that matter to people who aren't in this house. Your partner has the school run, the gestor — tax advisor — calls, the Mercadona shop in a language they're still learning.

You know something is off. The answers to "how was your day?" are getting shorter. There's a low-grade tension you can't name. When you finally emerge from calls at 8pm, exhausted, your partner is already mentally somewhere else.

They're supposed to be grateful. They're in Spain. The sun is shining. And they probably feel guilty for not being happier. So they don't say much. And you don't ask. Because you're busy. Because you're not sure what you'd do with the answer.

This isn't an accusation. You didn't do anything wrong. You took an opportunity that made sense. Your partner agreed.

But agreeing to move and thriving after the move are different things.

Not a "we need to talk" ambush. Just over coffee, when nobody's rushing anywhere:

"What do you actually miss?"

Not "do you miss home?" That's too big and leads nowhere. Specifically what. The answer might surprise you. Often, it's not the career itself but the feeling of being good at something. The lunch with colleagues. The sense that Tuesday was different from Thursday.

"What would make this week feel like yours?"

Not the family's week. Not supporting your work. Theirs. Even if the answer is "I don't know," the question matters.

"Who here has the life you want?"

Not you. Someone in their position. A partner who followed someone here and figured something out. If they can't think of anyone, that's useful information too.

You're not asking to fix anything. You're asking to see them.

The expat therapy world on the Costa is thin but real. Dr. Suzy Quix at Re-Encounter (centre of Marbella, +34 646 051 435) has 24 years working with people from various cultures, including couples navigating relocation strain. Sessions typically run €70-100. Verified January 2026.

But most partners who figure it out don't start with therapy. They start with one thing that's theirs.

Language classes where nobody knows them as "someone's partner." A morning routine that exists whether or not you're on calls. A project that would matter even if your job disappeared tomorrow.

The Entrepreneur & Business Club Costa del Sol meets regularly in various locations, not just for business owners but for anyone rebuilding professional identity. No membership fee for first visits. Confirmed January 2026.

When your partner is ready to try something new on their own:

¿Puedo probar una clase? — Can I try a class?

Works for language schools, yoga studios, and art workshops. The first step toward something that's theirs.

Your work gave you Spain. Their support gave you the freedom to take it.

That equation only balances if they're building something too. The first Monday of 2026 is a reasonable time to check whether they are.

Not bad for a Monday — A. and the Waypoint Sur team with much better halves

With Waypoint Sur, you can always expect plain-English guidance to land, settle, and thrive on the Costa del Sol—work, schools, healthcare, visas, taxes, home, and daily life.  
Made Mostly Under the Costa del Sol Sun. 💛